My next steps will most definitely NOT look like they did 10 years ago. I remember immediately looking up a 10k trainer, putting 6 weeks in, and running those 6.2 miles at an 11ish pace. L.O.L. To be young again. However, I do want the same things I wanted then – to continue making progress. So why not in the same way?
I am not regularly strength training as I was. Frankly, I am not regularly doing anything, which is part of why I’m so proud about running all the way through on Saturday. Putting my mind to things and doing them isn’t behind me, as I was beginning to fear. 30 pounds heavier, 10 years older, no strength training – and 3 minutes slower than my first time? I think I’m closer to the floor than the ceiling, which intrigues me. Notice that I didn’t say it excites me, since I am still feeling a bit shy about embracing a routine. That being said, I am determined to reach for the ceiling, even if it means being a *tad* uncomfortable.
I discovered over spring break that I don’t hate the gym. I hadn’t had a membership since 2018 and stopped going to the one in my apartment complex once the pandemic began. When my boo and I had a little getaway for our anniversary, I had no plans to go to the gym then, either! I was going to do my 5k training on the streets, ya know? One morning, I started out for a run and I felt a few raindrops. I learned then that I am more willing to mask in an uncrowded, immaculately clean fitness center than I am to get my twists wet. Since we’ve been back, I have been trying to figure out when I can hit an upscale hotel again with the express purpose of going to the gym!
As I write this, it sounds like I have transitioned into a weekend (vacation?) warrior. My next race is in 4 weeks, but it is in another city. I see myself doing strength two days a week at the house and running on the weekends. I tried to allow Garmin to create a get faster plan for me, but I couldn’t even bring myself to press “start plan.” It’s just not me at the moment. I don’t anticipate a summer full of races because it is JUST. TOO. HOT. Getting fit, walks for good causes, deciding to consider another training cycle when the weather is cooler.
Look at me, it’s less than a year since my last post. Goal – getting in four strength workouts and four runs before posting again.
Just because life looks different doesn’t mean it’s not still sweet. To my next steps!
On March 23, 2013, I ran my first 5k. I decided early this year to follow the same training plan I had 10 years ago to see if I could achieve a similar result.
I. Training
Over the past few years, I have tried several times to complete Couch to 5k again. I kept falling off of the wagon because of injury, family deaths, fatigue from adjusting to the new normal that is life in the pandemic era. I was scared to reach week 6 this go-round because that has been where it goes wrong. The only thing that went “wrong” in my training this time was that I accidentally started a week earlier than I needed to, but that mistake allowed me the flexibility to deal with life as it happened. I was able to get all the days in, often feeling strong. I have learned – or been reminded – that training is best when I am well-rested, hydrated, and stretched. Shocking, I know. In the before times, I was happy both training before and after work. These days, I have a strong preference for running on days off, so I don’t feel rushed to stretch.
II. Race Day
I was single and living with my parents 10 years ago, but I still wanted them to come cheer me on today! Apparently, living with my husband doesn’t absolve me of my driving duty, so I dutifully went to pick Mom up. Daddy’s mobility doesn’t look the same as it did 10 years ago, and I happily accepted his well wishes before we left.
We parked and crossed the street to the elementary school where the race was staged. I had emailed the race organizer to see if there was a chance that I could have the same bib number as I did 10 years ago, but he politely replied that it was likely not possible due to the 5k numbers not going as high as I would require. Sure enough, I received a 3 digit bib number instead of a 4 digit one. I noticed that this year, the start and finish line were exactly the same, as opposed to being about 50 yards apart as they had been in the past. Mom made fun of me for this selfie:
I guess I was making a lot of faces to finally land on this relatively straight one?
In my training, my left knee had good days and bad days, but by the time the cycle had wrapped up, I was able to run without pain and thus without my brace. As I was warming up, I started to wonder if I should have been wearing it. I dismissed it as pre-race jitters. There was an announcement for 5k runners to begin lining up. I hugged my Mom, she wished me luck, I said a prayer, thanking God for the day and asking for the strength to run the whole way through. I haven’t run a race in its entirety since February 2020!
The horn sounded. We were off!
Immediately, I noted that my left leg was unhappy to be there. I grimaced, hoping that it would subside, and thankfully, before the first mile was done, it did. I was lightly jogging, enjoying the curated playlist I had decided to put in a race day order minutes earlier. I think I try to intentionally forget that this race is what I call “Florida hilly” – lots of little ups and downs, as it is adjacent to a golf course. I saw the first incline and sighed but was determined to push through. About a half mile in, I recognized that there were people I would likely be running with the whole time based on our pace. There was an older black woman with beautiful gray natural hair who was slightly ahead of me most of the time. I decided I wanted her to beat me because it is a sign that I can keep getting better. I was running without a watch this time – even 10 years ago I had a basic polar heart rate watch. I just wanted to move without watching any metrics. When I reached the mile 1 sign, I smiled, crossed myself and thanked God. My music was telling me I was going the pace I wanted. Mile 2 was similar – I could keep this up, I thought.
Mile 3 was absolutely brutal.
There were so many bloody turns. My mouthing the words to my playlist had become cursing. I know I have written previously about turns making me feel like I am progressing, but these turns were just too many. Another one – then another one – I felt like I would never see the finish line. I really wanted to walk, but I knew I would be mad at myself later, and I knew my body still was able to have both feet off of the ground at the same time. I had been looking forward to the triumph of seeing the finish line like I had at age 27, but at age 37, I was feeling relief. Seeing my Mom waving me in did change my cursing into smiling though, and I still had a little more in my legs to pick up the pace toward the finish.
I did it.
I had tried to duplicate my picture from 10 years ago, but I had two arms up in that one! I should have checked *sigh*
III. What’s Next?
As much as I was cursing the course yesterday, I hope I can return at 47. I need 10 years to mentally prepare for the turning, I think. 🙂 So much has changed in the last ten years. Yes, I am heavier, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be stronger. I think the greater challenge is the mental weight of life that has come with the passing of time. I hope my Dad is still around to give me a hug when I get back from dropping off Mom. I hope my Mom can make me another “Go Jo” sign and be there to wave for me as a I finish. I’m not sure who is reading this anymore, but if you are, I am rooting for you to be your strongest, too! ❤
Just a month a half ago, I wrote that I wanted and intended to commit to stretching regularly. I’ve since been reminded that while stretching and training must go together, so do stretching and – uh – living. Somehow, I managed to twist the necessary association between stretching and training to – “well, if I’m not working out today, I don’t need to stretch! Do I not feel like stretching? I won’t train today!”
The TRUTH.
It’s absolutely amazing how many ways we can, as humans, find a way to rationalize our behavior. I found myself unbelievably tight after a cross country flight yesterday and spent a solid 30 minutes stretching before attempting a walk/run today and I am so much better for it, yet I am confident that I will somehow find some other excuse not to stretch. In the same ways our souls are meant to move toward God in order to maximally function, our bodies were created to move, and the specific movement of stretching assists in getting the most from the rest of our movements, from running a marathon to typing a blog post.
At 36, I’ve already experienced the type of pain that I can’t explain – you know the type, where you think “what did I do? Why does that hurt? Oh, because I’m alive.” While I am positive that a consistently followed regimen can help to prevent this, a long life means that there will inevitably be pain for which there is only ultimate healing – death. My man Paul wrote in his letter to the church in Philippi (presumably between stretches) that to live is Christ and to die is gain. I believe Christ suffered a *bit* in His earthly ministry, no? As unholy as my quadriceps and hip flexors were feeling this morning, on a scale from painless to crucifixion I can’t say it was too bad. It was enough to put me on a path today to take care of my body, and for that, I am thankful.
Every day that I am alive, I can seek Christ, I can seek physical wholeness, but again, Paul reminds us that as long as we are living, our perception will be incomplete. Are there any converts that are thriving 100% of the time? To live is to lapse. There really is no cure for my humanity – for now. That is not to say that there is no hope, because keeping focused on Christ is the only treatment I know that helps to alleviate anything that ails me. Lord, have mercy on my body and soul.
“Stretch without ceasing.” – Apostle Paul, probably
Fine, perhaps that’s not ACTUALLY what Paul wrote to the church in Thessalonica, but let’s be real. Look at this map:
He’s not making this trip on foot without regular, frequent, stretching. No. Way.
I want to say that training at 35 is different than training at 29, but honestly? I should have stretched more then, too. I found myself injured and in pain back then, so there’s no way I can get away without stretching now. I was so hyped about starting a 30 day strength program when I realized I was registered for a race that rolled over from 2020. Getting my heart rate back up was feeling so good that I thought mayyyybeee I can start couch to 5k and get to running again in time for the race! My PT had said I was good to go and cleared from my knee injury so – why not, right? I wanted to lose more weight first but running is just the best. Let’s face it.
My body was in so much pain. It was about five days before I was fully pain free, and it has taken a lot of stretching and foam rolling to get there. Too much, too fast. I’m intimidated to start again, but I must! I was on a such a happy streak. For me, I think stretching is the physical version of prayer – when I do it, it is always a relief, it enables me to do more than I thought I could, but I don’t do it nearly enough. My glutes are saying I definitely need to stretch without ceasing. There’s no reason my body should be in pain in order for me to run and be fit, and YES I know the difference between soreness and pain.
What I’m saying here is that I’m looking for a stretching/workout regimen that I will follow religiously – can’t be a Christmas/Easter stretcher like I have been in the past. Frankly, it is like finding a church – I have to feel comfortable enough to do it consistently and it must help me grow stronger. I’m trying a 30/120 interval soon – hopefully that won’t kill me! ❤
Two weeks to Pascha. Five weeks of fasting. It’s been quite a journey. A few things have happened since my last post.
I hit the weight loss plateau I was expecting. When I weighed myself for the third time since the fast began, my weight was unchanged, down to the tenth of a pound, from 10 days prior. It was fitting for my mood, because I have been feeling pretty low. The fast has protected me from what might be a typical reaction of deciding not to care about what I’m eating again because hey, it’s not making a difference, right? Breaking the fast to abuse myself does not seem worth the regret I would have. Even if I were to somehow regain what I’ve lost in the next two weeks – which is highly unlikely! – I can call committing to maintaining a mostly vegan diet (shellfish is allowed, I’m not a cheater!) for seven weeks and sticking to it a sure victory.
Small changes have been adding up – on the inside. I have been reading the daily Orthodox church readings. I am working my way through the Gospels and noticing things I never have. Perhaps most shockingly, I can’t wait to go back to physical church. I have been praying more. When I am frustrated with a person, I have even (sometimes! which is more than never, like before) been lifting that person up to the Lord. Like right now – Pete made a comment about how my cooling lentils smell “different.” He sucks for that. I told him so. Then I prayed for him. 🙂 King Solomon wrote about my attitude sometimes – I think my food smells great but whatever. Anyway, I am hoping I soften enough to offer him some. He knows where to get meat. So there’s that.
I started strength training again. I actually am sticking with it fairly consistently – I don’t think I have missed more than 2 days in a row since I picked up a 30 day challenge from a site that The Mentor recommended to me. I cuss at the TV for 30 minutes and then I look forward to doing it again the next day. Even though I am mad at myself and it is hard to feel hope for my body, I know that it is not productive to do things that are not edifying. Moving more and eating less are good – the opposite is not.
Finally – I want to share my only workout secret. Whenever I want to turn off the TV and give up, I just remind myself that whatever workout I’m doing is much easier than loving my neighbor. That manmaker move is actually a day at the beach compared to loving my enemies if I am to be completely honest. I am looking forward to my next race when I am tempted to walk and imagine having to interact with someone who still hasn’t learned to wear a mask properly. I would much rather be running as fast as I can – maybe I can even pretend to be running away from people who are going to ask something of me!
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner – I’m trying!
I keep trying to tell y’all that not eating meat is much much easier than even considering being close as these two in this icon.
I mean – I suppose the short answer to serve God and serve others. I’m just not very good at any of it, and frankly I’m not sure what the execution of that always looks like.
I asked The Mentor last week for some arm and core exercise. Faithful friend that she is, she sent me some pretty terrible (good) ones. I struggled through planks, crunches, modified push ups – I am RIDICULOUSLY out of shape. God have mercy on the soul in this weak, weak flesh. Apparently, I am pretty normal in my demographic, but that does not mean that it is any less disappointing.
I wish I could have as much compassion for myself as I do for Chubby Kerms.
Perhaps it is just me, but does anyone else look at this meme and think of the book of King Solomon? Anyone?
8Â All things are wearisome,
    more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
    nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9Â What has been will be again,
    what has been done will be done again;
    there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1: 8-9 (NIV)
Listen. Covid-19 may be a novel virus, but there is absolutely nothing novel about my being fat. My raceaversary came and went and I am about 40 pounds above where I feel it is safe for me to start pounding on my joints. God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, why do you bother with me? I keep needing these remedial courses and my self-image is really taking a beating – I can’t even look at myself from any time period and see anything but fat or not fat. Not fat pictures make me smile, not because I think I look good but because of how physically strong I was at the time.
It is incredibly frustrating that I know that I can search my blog and find exactly the same sentiment. The Joan Show is LAME but I am not allowed to change the channel – only adjust my antenna, I suppose. Kermit takes me from King Solomon to Apostle Paul –
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)
I must remember that I am seeing myself imperfectly. I see my imperfections imperfectly. Yikes. I wonder why the people around me don’t tire of my foolishness – it’s embarrassing to be alive sometimes! I must focus on today – one good choice at a time because it is the right thing to do. It’s definitely safer than having hope again – perhaps that will come in time, too.
I’ve never been more excited to vote than I was to vote for Elizabeth Warren.
If you know me, this may not seem like much. I am what people in politics call a “supervoter,” in that since I pre-registered to vote when I was 17, I have NEVER missed an election. I even voted in the 2008 Florida presidential primary, when my vote literally did not count because apparently Florida violated the rules by moving the primary. I have been fascinated by the process since the Supreme Court decided the election in 2000. My mother once told me I was talking in my sleep about Bush tax cuts as a high schooler.
However.
There has never been a candidate that has moved me in such a personal, literal way. When E Dubs took out Bloomberg in that first debate, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I have been struggling with knee pain ever since I took on the Clearwater Causeway on January 28 and I thought to myself, “Dammit, if Warren G can take on a billionaire, I can handle a few miles!” I have never felt so inspired by someone to whom I have zero personal connection. Her plans. Her wisdom. Her wit. Her determination.
I have admired Senator Warren since the creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Her work marks the first time that I have seen the national political process make a difference in my every day life. When she entered the presidential race, I knew I would have to give her careful consideration. Everyone likes to pretend that their political decisions are 100% rational, but here’s the thing about me and Liz – my heart AND my brain believe she has more to give America than anyone else running right now. Nobody can tell me God isn’t real – I got my campaign t-shirt in the mail today and I’m wearing it as I sip my rum and cola and type. I love that I voted for a woman whom I believe will continue to fight for me, even if it looks different than I had hoped. I love that I voted for someone who was the best candidate, without paying attention to worthless polls. I love that I voted for a genuine, human being – one who is perfectly imperfect. I love that I voted for another teacher!! If only she had a plan for me submitting my lesson plans on time…
I have been mad as hell as I’ve watched the corporate media erase her from the narrative. I am confident that if she were Edgar Warren with the same credentials, she would have the nomination LOCKED. UP. RIGHT. NOW. I wish I could blame my ups and downs with running on misogyny and the corporate media. MSNBC or Fox doesn’t want me to foam roll and stretch to avoid injury, amirite? I know she wants me to check my cart at Amazon.com because I added her book in both hardback and paperback and she would want me to just choose one because that’s prudent. But dammit I know Elizabeth Warren hopes I wrap up this post really quickly so I can go to bed, dream big, and fight hard another day. Believing in her helps me believe in myself. What greater gift can a person give another?
I stan a legend. I will NEVER regret voting for her and I am thankful for the opportunity. I made my voice heard and I will continue to do so. I will vote for the Democratic nominee, but I stan only one. This is my race day shirt for the rest of the year. I hope Liz and I have a lot of races ahead to run – and win. ❤

I keep a poster with this saying in my classroom, among others in a similar vein, to help visually remind my students that listening is the first element in being a learning musician. We absorb and enjoy this aural art with our ears. I ask of them daily – “Is it possible to talk and truly listen at the same time?” Thankfully, I don’t teach too many smart asses who say yes, and I believe that they actually get it. Most of my students are empaths to whom I can say, “When you have something to say to me, don’t you want to know that I am paying attention to you? Doesn’t everyone deserve the same?” When we really listen to one another’s thoughts and the music we make together, it is then that we can fully experience the beauty of our work.
Even a 5 year old can grasp this. Why is it so hard to put into practice?
On the 4th of the month, I have great concern that my Fabruary may turn into Flabruary. I have not run since Saturday. I had a run planned yesterday but I chose to get a massage instead because my entire body feels tight. Even as I tell myself that I am listening to my body by not running for a few days, I feel like a loser. I fear losing the great progress that I made in Shamuary. I wonder if I am simply a weak person who cannot handle the training load I have put upon myself. You know I cannot cope with having peaked at 34.
“You know what I need to do?” I said to myself this evening. “Read my blog!” I am feeling like I have never been sore in my life and I logically know this cannot be the case. While it feels like the end of the road for my progress, I understand realistically that progress is rarely linear and it’s more likely that I simply need a bit of recovery. I put “injury” in the search box and what do you know, I have experienced the need to alter my plans more than once.
Perhaps we find listening difficult because it feels passive. We feel as though we will miss something if we don’t immediately act or speak. We feel a pressure to contribute and make our abilities known – so much so that we overlook the cost of pausing to observe and absorb. I wish my body felt like a million dollars so that I could confidently take on what is in my running plan this week, but she’s trying to tell me something and it sure ain’t “do your 11 mile run on Friday.”
I still fully intend to be fearless in 2020. My body is reminding me that sometimes bravery requires the willingness to stop, listen, and adjust.
Day 1 of the new month – which I am proclaiming as fabulous, by the way – with my mountain of student loan debt comes the ability to spell all of the months in English properly – has got me nervous. I know I literally JUST said it is going to be fabulous but please, hear me out. I have successfully wrapped up my workouts for the week but my legs are not happy about it. I did a good job in Shamuary of consistently getting in my miles, but if I do not start stretching and adding strength regularly, I’m not going to make it. Stretching daily and full ass yoga and strength routines twice a week, each. Periodt, as my Lil One would say.
I believe that every runner loves results, but I also think that results mean different things to different people. When I started running in 2013, I was not thinking that I would ever become addicted to entering races. I was just a girl trying to continue my habit of working out 3 times a week to lose weight and Couch to 5k was a free, structured way for me to do so. What a blessing that I was able to maintain the discipline to finish the program, enter a race, and have one of the happiest moments of my life as I crossed my first finish line. While I still care about my weight loss, the purpose has now flipped – rather than running to lose weight, I want to lose weight so I can be the most efficient runner possible.
At this point in my life, I am determined to show myself that my best still awaits me. Last night, I started updating the calendar page of my blog to fill in gaps and detail all of my awesome activities and race results. I used the site coolrunning.com, which I have been using for years to check where I’ve placed in my age groups. Would you believe that as of today, February 1, coolrunning.com is NO. MORE?! Had I waited one more day, it might have been impossible to find any of my races prior to my purchasing a Garmin. I am beyond thankful that God moved me to update my calendar and I hope I can bless others as I increase in fearlessness. If you want to do something, people, just grab life by the ovaries! You never know!
About those ovaries.
It was interesting seeing my race times in black and white, all together. There is a distinct before and after marriage line. I have been tempted to make new goals based on Mrs. J rather Ms. J but I am not that old yet! I refuse to accept that the result of getting married is to be slower. That being said, the result of being older and more experienced requires that I do not neglect things like stretching and strength training – when I was at my best I was getting regular massages and not missing boot camp. That girl was great, and this one can be too. THAT being said, I’m no longer mad at Mrs. J for being slower. I am coming to realize that life is like training and it is simply not feasible for me to be in peak condition all of the time. Garmin knows, look at this chart:
The last year three years have frustrated me as I cannot seem to break the pattern of setting goals and missing them, but check out that calendar – I haven’t been exactly sedentary. I would argue that I have toggled between maintaining, recovery, and overreaching as a married woman. I hope that I am able to become more productive so that I can truly peak! Here’s to good decision making and not being mean to myself when I make not so good ones!
The first month of 2020 is already behind us – but it didn’t end before I did my best to stick to my plans. I give myself an A on my running and a B minus on my eating. I am down a few pounds since the year started and I ran 55 miles this month. Most notably, I suddenly feel comfortable sharing the ups and downs on my race times. I am not sure what clicked in me yesterday as I was updating my race calendar, but I started scrolling through my Garmin app and updating it with past race times. I felt pride over times that once shamed me. I started running in 2013 and my calendar only goes back to 2014, but over the course of the year I intend to not only fill in my race history but detail it with the good. There is no bad or ugly because I am still here.
It is incredible that I started running when I was 28 and this year I will be 35 with no intentions of slowing down. Yes, I meant to make that pun! I want to push my boundaries and peel away the fears that keep me from being open about my abilities. I’ve been fighting trim and I’ve been fighting fat but dammit, I am still fighting.
Here’s to Fabruary! May it be a great one!
Heh. May. That’s when I turn 35.
I do love the sunset – and the sunrise – and breakfast! Yay!
ladyjdoesit 
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