I am beautiful.
Some may read that and think that it is a conceited statement. Others whom I’ve heard describe me as such may think it is an obvious statement. However, for me to say this is a big deal. It means that I am finally starting to acknowledge my victories and embrace the good about me.
This realization came about as I was posting about my Raceaversary and I looked through pictures of my physical transformation that has occurred over the past year. As I looked over my first blog post, I studied the picture of my first race more closely. I don’t think I could have been smiling any harder. It may help to understand that I’ve struggled with body image most of my adult life, irrespective of weighing 135 or 215. Over time, this manifested itself in hating pictures. The fact that I was SO excited for this picture to be taken is mindblowing to me. I felt it essential to capture the moments just after my first finish line. I could look through photos spanning several years and it would be difficult to find one where I appear more excited and proud to be in front of the camera. So what has got full-figured LadyJ so amped?
Remember when I italicized physical in the previous paragraph? The pictures document an outward transformation but highlight an inward realization. The big girl was willing to take a risk. THERE is where the beauty lie all along. All the time I was living unhealthily, I was allowing my strength to idle. Perhaps that was the real source of my shame in front of the camera.
So yes, this risk taking, resourceful, resilient woman not only is beautiful, but HAD been beautiful the whole time. Here is to breaking free from the fears of failure that so frequently keep us from harnessing our strength.