I don’t know about y’all, but there are times when I simply cannot persuade myself to make time to run. I make all sorts of excuses – fatigue won’t allow me to do my best, or I could be spending time with those family people or working, etc. So I did what any girl on a Friday would do to get my feet back on the pavement. Registered for a 5k scheduled for Saturday.
I prepared myself quickly and quietly so as not to wake Lil One or Adonis. The race site was a nearby familiar one – I did most of my marathon training around this particular lake. Knowing that my race registration would help to benefit victims of human trafficking was even more motivating to me. It is funny how we get wrapped up in these questions about our value and self-worth, taking for granted the freedom we have to be able to spend even one moment to reflect, when there are so many who lack just that – freedom. I told myself that when the horn went off, I was going to run for anyone who can’t. No time for self-pity OR self-flaggelation!
I really was not sure what it meant to pace myself when it started; rather, I didn’t know what it would look like today. My marathon pace was 13:26 and I have a tough time with perspective – sometimes a 13 minute pace feels like a 9 minute pace and I’m just slow no matter what, you know? Gahhhh! Focus! Just. Run.
And so I did. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t look at my Garmin, but it WAS a race and I did want to do my best by maintaining whatever pace I could. When I got tired, I thought of the freedom I had to be there that morning. As I turned toward the finish, I lamented that the course appeared to be .1m short, but no matter. I went and I did it AND my pace was 10:14!
Who. Is. This.
The only explanation I have for such a speedy performance is the fact that I’ve been getting sufficient sleep and eating very cleanly, because the only runs I’ve been doing have been with the girls training for their first 5k or with Adonis, running and walking for our half-marathon relay. Lesson: problems can be solved by clean eating, sleep, and money!
It should come as no surprise that since my marathon finish, I have been thinking about not only what I should do next but also my marathon performance.
How I handle the first depends upon my feelings about the second.
So. How did I do?
To be honest, while I am proud to be able to check something off of my bucket list, I think I could have done better. I was unsure of my preparation, even though I have never followed any plan perfectly and I have a 100% finish rate *knock on wood,* and thought it best to run conservatively; about a minute slower than my projected ability. I know the next time I have any race, I will not have a wedding with which I must contend to interfere with my training. It was naive of me to think as I was training that I would be a one and done marathoner, the way I have been (thus far!) with my 70.3. Running brings me such joy and while sometimes I hate training, I have never had less than fabulous time at a goal race. That being said, if given the chance to run my first marathon again, I would approach race day in the same way. Had I run at my projected pace and felt like I had to drag myself across the finish line or worry that I would burn out, I think I would regret going too fast and I would be beating myself up for that. Seems silly to beat myself up to do what I felt was best to finish, especially given that it was something to “get out of the way” before Adonis and I try for a Girl J.
I had envisioned 2017 to be the year where I back off from long races so that I could focus on preparing my body for a Girl J. 5ks, 10ks, just working on being fit. However, completing the marathon cemented something for me that I should have realized earlier – shorter races don’t bring me the same joy that longer races do. When I think about how I feel when I finish 5ks or 10ks, it is usually something like, “Whew! Glad that’s over!” Finishing half-marathons has consistently been more thrilling for me. Even in my training, my favorite part of the week is my long run, although it scares me every time. While I don’t want to run another marathon in 2017, I would like to squeeze in one more while I am still running for one, tee hee.
2013 was the year I discovered I can run. 2014 was the year of the triathlon. I don’t know what the hell happened in 2015, but 2016 was the year of the marathon. Here is to 2017 being the year of the half!
Not the time to ask me which me(t/d)al means more to me. #marathonfinisher #stillmarried
Well. Another new year is upon us. And a whole heap of weight is upon me. Damn. I’m fat again.
Of course, I’m mad at myself for allowing such weight gain in the past two years of my life, despite continuing to race. I feel as though I have failed; as the losing all the weight that I did really means nothing because I haven’t been able to keep it off. Each time I log into MyFitnessPal – and am completely honest, re: weight – I feel like a loser (gainer?). Is anything really different this time? I thought it had been, because I’d finally learned that weight management is a process not an event. I thought that because I found an activity that I really enjoy that I would be able to maintain my weight loss within 5 to 10 pounds. It turns out that I am still not over my habit of using food as a way to cope with changes in my life. Marriage, stepchildren, moving. Two weddings (long story)! It was a lot of business. Plus, food still tastes GREAT. Nevertheless, I still need to do something about my current weight, because I am not as healthy as I could be.
I think I should be thankful that I am in a place where I recognize that my problem is not so much the fact that I’ve regained weight that I’ve lost but the fact that it was easy for me to do so because of how I deal with change in my life. I also think I have issues with my body image that allow for me to be indifferent as to how I look. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I weigh 150 or 200; I seem to always see a fat person in the mirror. It is much easier to follow a plan and make more good choices than bad than it is to really zero in on what it is that causes me to feel this way. That just might be a beast that I will have to fight for all of my life. I hope my goals for the year are not incongruent; I would like to run 4 Half marathons and lose 40 pounds. 10 pounds per race. Ha. I will be writing more in the coming week about why I have chosen those particular goals, as well as how I feel I performed in 2016 and meeting those goals.
Here’s to not completely screwing up 2017. Happy new year!
We all know it’s the same me. I just want to get her into my pants.