“Why are you acting like you are going to prison?”
Such was the reaction of my mother last night as she saw me eat a dinner of a raspberry napoleon, two croissants (one with tuna and boursin cheese, the other with grape jelly and butter), and a Ritter Sport Hazelnut and Raisin Chocolate Bar. Indeed, I don’t normally eat like that – anymore, anyhow. Today marked the beginning of a challenge at my boot camp where we’re supposed to tighten up for six weeks. I almost dread challenges like this because I have not yet reached a point of maturity where I am able to not make the upcoming days like bloody Mardi Gras. “Oh, gonna be good starting next week? Imma go buck wild until then!”
As this is not the first time I have challenged myself, it frustrates me that I still face the same temptations. You should see me walk down the fancy candy aisle and
look stare LEER at the chocolate. If chocolate and I were co-workers it would have complained to our boss about harassment long ago. As I know not to cross that line, I keep it moving. Why do I act like I am depriving myself when I know that eating chocolate the way I may like to is not good for me?
Because being bad feels good.
Was my dinner from last night really that amazing? No. Well, don’t get it twisted, it was a lot of fun, but the fun was less in the taste and more in the fact that I knew I shouldn’t be doing it and was doing it anyway. Why eat food that I don’t normally eat simply because I can? Paul writes about it more eloquently and succinctly than I could in Romans 7:9-10:
9 Before I knew about the Law, I was alive. But as soon as I heard that command, sin came to life, 10 and I died.
The Law referenced above concerns the Ten Commandments, but in this context it applies to my nutrition plan. My eating wasn’t terrible prior to receiving this plan, but now I get the plan and it’s like, damn, I need to do better. So I’m going to rebel and do the complete opposite until I absolutely have to start. Let me revel in my badness before I have to deal with it. My fear of failure – of not meeting the requirements of the law/meal plan/whatever – has been enough in the past to keep me from trying my best. What could be worse than trying and failing? Womp womp. But clearly, I have met success in this endeavor. Quite a bit. So why the hell was I still acting a fool yesterday? Why, today, was I looking at the lunches of my colleagues with envy when I know what the result will be of my plan?
I know how this works. I lost 50 pounds participating in plans like this one. In truth, I am looking forward to eating better for the next several weeks. Not only will I feel better from giving my body the fuel it needs and deserves, but I will get to eat food that I enjoy. Nobody has forced me to participate in this challenge, and it’s not prison! Maybe more like rehab 🙂
You may think that you have a special relationship with food, but this girl? I don’t need a birthday crown to get it with a cupcake like that. Anywhere, anytime, any (good quality!) food – I’m pretty indiscriminate. If you ask me what my favorite food is, you will invariably be met with silence. I haven’t met a cuisine of that cannot delight me. I am not above singing or dancing while I eat because good food just makes me that happy. Even a discussion about food can raise my heart rate.
The only thing that pleases me more than food is knowing that I am making good decisions for myself. ❤