Sometimes I hit the nail right on the bloody head without trying.
I’ve been thinking about how little i wrote in 2017. This is not a reflection of the amount I’ve had to say about the year. Please. I’m a newlywed and a Democrat. I’ve got thoughts. What I have not had is motivation, and not just about writing. I feel like I haven’t been able to get myself to commit and stick with much of anything. I walked out of the gym a few days ago and spoke aloud to myself, as I often do.
I’m like Matilda when she went to high school. I lost my powers when I went to the advanced level.
My commute has literally quintupled and I’ve chosen to take on more work because, well, I like making money. That being said, while I suppose anything is possible and I can do anything I put my mind to and insert third encouraging platitude here, my abilities are not limitless. Adjusting to my new life is sucking up my discipline. I do not want to plan meals. I don’t want learn recital programs. I don’t want to plan to PR a race. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish to eat healthily, play the piano, or run races. I simply need the space right now to do so in a more casual manner.
Sometimes, that’s okay.
It has to be, otherwise, I just suck. This is my story, and no one is the villain in her own story, right?
What isn’t okay, at any time, is choosing to give up. In a conversation with a close friend, the following exited my mouth –
Eating is the new dating.
Only a statement like that could be more loaded than my average 2017 plate. Literal and figurative. Going straight to the drive through from the gym gives me a sick thrill. Spontaneous and rebellious. I have to plan so many things. It’s nice to not to have everything written down, kinda like single Joan didn’t know how the next date was going to go!
Alas, sometimes, I should reckon with the fact that I am a grown ass adult. Anticipating how my blood work will be is not quite as thrilling as the drive through decision. My doctor has already told me I need to do better, and I’ve taken action the best way I feel I can right now. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not in a place where I am willing to prep my food, so I’m trying a meal delivery service. It feels exorbitant, but let’s be real – so is eating out, as is buying vegetables that I don’t end up eating, not to mention the health care costs down the line if I don’t clean up my act. Someone is gonna get this cash – I may as well get the best results from it.
Sometimes, you have to start over.