I do it, and I do it big. Here's to not forgetting about it.

Posts tagged ‘BS’

Joan’sAugusta70.3TrainingPlan.docx – Protecting My Relationship from Others

As I said in my previous post, fitness and I have a good thing going. I am doing my best to not sabotage it. I think it would be pretty paranoid of me to think that other people want to sabotage it solely for the sake of bringing me down. Quite frankly, I am too much of a cynic to believe that people care about those around them that much.

That being said, I strongly believe that people need to feel that they are living right, whether they are or not. Humans will go to great lengths to justify their choices. Generally, the easiest way to do so is to judge the choices of others. Since the beginning of my journey, I’ve noticed that people who do this fit into one of two categories.

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1. People who wish they had the strength to take a risk

Let’s get this out of the way first – I do not think I am better than anyone else. I believe some of the choices I’ve made have put me in a good place. I humbly walk for I know that it is God who empowers me to make good choices for my life. I am fully aware that it is only He who stands between me and all the crap that earthly life has to offer. There is no day that I don’t need His grace to make a single good decision. Full stop.

All right, that’s done. This is America. Damn near everyone is on some diet. When I started my 21 day challenge in January 2013, I was doing my patriotic duty. It’s practically illegal to be an American woman without a body image problem. Fast forward to May 2014 and now I appear to be on the other side of that problem to many. I cannot emphasize appear enough. I’ve maintained that because I’ve been at a healthy weight twice before and gained it back both times, I feel like I’m a big girl who happens to be fit at the moment. More on that later.

I think the heart of this issue is one of belonging. We all have a need to feel that we belong somewhere. I no longer consider myself to be a member of the Women’s Dieting And Complaining About Myself Constantly club. While I know that my company is missed (I am a good time, after all), I know that most negative sentiment comes from the fact that others want to renounce their membership in the WDACAMC. The only way to do it is to be good to yourself – which is really scary if you are not used to doing so. Yeah, people are lazy and it takes real planning to eat right and exercise. I can only speak to my personal experience, but it wasn’t until recently that I believed that I am worth taking care of because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I love myself by taking care of my body and the world is a lot brighter. My circumstance didn’t change. I did. Rock on.

It is much easier for me to identify with people calling me skinny and saying they can’t stand me because I’ve been there. I’ve wondered how people get fit and it seemed like magic. So I’ve got much more patience for type 1 than for this:

2. People who make the right decisions with the wrong motivation, or who think everyone should think like they do

But Lady J, you ask. Who are you to determine whether someone’s motivation is right or wrong? Well, I actually think it’s pretty simple. If you don’t seem to be at peace, there’s likely a good reason for it. Either someone is tormenting you or you are tormenting yourself. My therapist mom says it best – hurt people hurt people.

I think the people who had finished long before I did at St. Anthony’s last week and remarked that I had entirely too much energy fall into this category. Why on earth would you open your mouth and say that someone shouldn’t be smiling so much? Oh, I know! Because you’re a jackass caught off guard by a reaction to which you are not accustomed. I was ready to ask them how their races went and they totally were acting like they didn’t just accomplish something awesome. I get it – if something didn’t go as well as you had hoped, you allow yourself to wallow. But I don’t even know if that’s the case with these jokers because the first thing out of their mouths was “you didn’t work hard enough.” Followed by the obligatory ‘j/k’, of course. I can’t stand when people say jerky stuff and then don’t have the ovaries to stand by it, then attempt to soften it with pretending they were joking. If you’re a jackass learning and growing human being, be yourself.

There are athletes who expect to podium each race. There are athletes who aspire to do so some day. Meanwhile, this girl is pleased to conquer her fears and discover all she is capable of when she trusts God. One would think there is room for all of us – Lord knows I’m only taking up space in the back, hah! Maybe triathlon is like school and it’s more fun in the back? Who knows. All I know is that I value my relationship way too much to be brought down by ignorance.

I’m pleased to say that for once – I’m going to listen to God and protect myself. Make no mistake. My heart is in this.

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Some People Suck But God is Good: Race Report, Part II

While that may have been the most exhilarating 3 hours, 51 minutes, and 11 seconds of my life, I feel compelled to comment on the 1% I disliked. This, too, contributed to the learning experience and is of note.

1. To the chick on the bike who passed me somewhere between miles 5 and 10 who felt the need to tell me to stay on the right. Yes, “sweetie,” as you called me so endearingly. I know I need to stay on the right, but I saw yo’ crazy ass trying to pass me on the right during a bloody turn. Me and Red Rocket are trying to stay together.

2. To the bystander dude just before mile 1 on the run, who shouted “Good Effort!” as I ran by. Good effort?! Dammit I’m a teacher and I can’t think of when those words have passed my lips. You want to know why? Because it’s what you tell someone when they are sucking. I’m straight with the babies in a way that is much less condescending and still honest. This is not a good effort, fool! Don’t you see me winning?! I look great!

3. This is going to get its own post in the coming days. You know, I like life. And I wasn’t sure I was going to have one between the horn and the finish line. So when I crossed it, I was super happy. Shoot, I am still giggling when I think about it. As I retrieved my belongings, my energy was observed by others. Apparently I didn’t leave all I had on the course – otherwise, I wouldn’t be smiling. I wasn’t aware I was supposed to be miserable when it’s all done. I suppose I should have read my training notes more closely. I am just a beginner, after all. Forgive me for racing incorrectly. I promise next time I will be more bitter at the finish line.

But for now:

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If you are not skilled in the art of encouragement, go somewhere and sit down: Part I

Last week, I read an article in Women’s Running Magazine that reminded me of why I prefer to run by myself. I know my natural tendency is toward cynic, so I tried reading it several times looking for the good. While the author hardly states you should quit unless you run an 8 minute mile, I found myself shaking my head at something new each time. I’m just going to quote some of my favorite parts here.

1. “I get it. You run 12 or 15 minutes per mile and are embarrassed to call yourself a runner because a lot of people are faster. Here’s a secret: “fast” runners feel the same way.”

Perhaps faster runners are loath to call themselves fast, or elite runners call themselves as such. But they are still calling themselves runners. I am positive that I am not the only one of my 12-15 minute mile comrades who has been observed “jogging” by others when they are sprinting for their very lives. Sorry “fast” runners, can’t empathize with you here.

2. “There is no difference between the runner who breaks 30 minutes for the 5K for the first time and the one that breaks 16 minutes. Both worked hard, sacrificed to achieve their goal, and experienced the same challenges.
That means all runners can relate to each other, no matter their speed.”

Thank God that I did not run (rimshot!) into this article any earlier than I did. Had I read this as the elated, first time 5k 40 minute finisher I once was, I would have been devastated that this (likely) well-intentioned writer did not see me as a runner. If the idea is to encourage people to think past fast or slow, why bother mentioning times in this context?

3. “There’s no need to preface any of your questions or thoughts about running with “I am slow.” I’m fast and I face the same challenges and fears. All runners do.”

First, why is the author prefacing his thought with the fact he’s fast if it doesn’t matter? Yes, given his personal times he’s mentioned in the article, he is fast. I thought the point of the article was to get past that kind of thinking. Moreover, because everyone is at a different place in their running, it IS important to discuss pace when running with someone else even if you don’t want to attach adjectives to it. Yes, my speed work can be someone’s easy day. Will that make me a better runner? Highly likely. Will it make me feel better, as I had gathered the point was? Absolutely not.

I will give the author some props. He does say negative self-talk is unproductive. True. Saying that you’re slow isn’t exactly the most effective way to get faster. But what is the point of improving? To be able to say you’re fast like this dude? In my opinion, that’s pretty small minded.

Guess what? If you run significantly faster than I do, I’m not going to relate to you. I will respect you, I will admire you, I might even look up to you. If you’re not a jerk about it, I probably will want to learn how you got to be as awesome as you are. Please, don’t patronize me. I am where I am. Now run along.

Fighting Words

Apparently, when you approach losing 25% of your body weight, people take notice. These people often make comments. Sometimes encouraging, sometimes envious, sometimes hoping that I will say I did it by taking some magic pill. However, today I got one that I was not expecting. I was passing a colleague in the hallway at work. She had a plate of pie in her hand:

“If I didn’t like pie, I could look like you do.”

I chuckled at what was surely meant to be a compliment. On some level, in fact, I empathize with her sentiment. If each of us thought of 10 people we knew, it wouldn’t surprise me if 9 of them wanted to lose weight. Food is everywhere and dammit, it is tasty. Every time I read, “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels,” I want to cry out BS! Clearly this person has not eaten the food I have. I also know that feeling of being around really fit people and thinking they are just machines with unnatural desires to drink raw eggs and wheat grass. This is hardly my first experience of major weight loss, either, so I say what I’m about to say with great humility.

How dare this heffa say I don’t like pie.

Perhaps such logic might make sense if I was a complete stranger to you. If all you knew about me was that I love to race and train. But you, dearest colleague, you knew me when I was walking around with that extra weight. Does it make any sense that I said to myself, “You know what? Screw pie. And cake. And pizza. And chocolate. We’ve had our fun and now it’s over.” Then of course, pounds just melted away. Hell no! I still love to eat! Sometimes I go to bed early just because I’m excited about the breakfast I am planning for myself the next morning and want to meet it sooner. So that for bloody sure is not what is keeping you from the body you desire.

I strongly believe that people, at the end of the day, do what they want to do. Unless, of course, they are scared. I feel my life’s story is summed up by the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:19 – “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil that I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” It’s a really sucky loop. We rationalize to ourselves that our colleagues/friends/neighbors/loved ones must not like pie. That they have more time than we do. That they have natural athletic ability we don’t. That they have greater self-control – which may be the only honest option I’ve put here.

If someone had told me that I would be doing what I’m doing now 15 months ago – even 9 months ago, I would have laughed hysterically AND ORDERED A PIE AND EATEN IT ALL. Because I’m still terrified that I’m going to fail, whatever the hell that looks like. I would much rather fail because I over-pied than fail knowing I gave my best, yeah? Then that means I really suck. So I put the fork between me and my fear to separate us. But you know what’s even scarier than failing? Wondering what could have happened had I tried something different.

I thank the Good Lord this pie loving girl can continue to work toward maximizing fitness in the body with which He blessed me.

 

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