I aggravated an injury today. And I’m thrilled to death about it.
You see, today marks my 2nd bloggerversary, which means it is my 3rd raceaversary! You know how important writing and racing are to me? My phone doesn’t even autocorrect fake words like raceaversary anymore. I find it incredible that I am still going. If you are a reader of my blog, you might find it incredible that I find it incredible, because I write with (what I feel is) great passion. I just didn’t think that I would stick with it based on my previous history.
You know what the best part of my raceaversary is? The fact that not everything has been wonderful. I jacked up my ankle on my little 2 mile run today. I can’t say that I would have run if not for my raceaversary. I was, and am, quite tired. I feel huge from my honeymoon. I returned to work today. There is much to be done in our new home. I know that in order to be strong for my new life, I have to bear some things that I don’t want to, like hot runs or angry ankles.
While I didn’t particularly enjoy the run today, I love that I did it. It means that I am a runner under any circumstance. I am able to get through (even seemingly) unpleasant things and see the good in them. If I hadn’t run today – if I hadn’t ever started running – who knows if I would have ever discovered that?
Lord willing, I have many more steps to take. I am not sure how any of them will go. I know He is with me and because of that, I can move forward with great hope.
Happy Raceaversary to MEEEEE!
Am I an attention whore?
As though push-ups and burpees are not enough torture before I’ve had coffee, Blonde Oprah said something to me that got me thinking.
“You hate attention, but you love attention.”
I don’t remember my facial expression, but I am sure it registered exactly what I was feeling. I know I didn’t respond because it is the kind of comment that is meant to stand by itself. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to say anything. I made a mental note to write about it later and I am thus here, wondering if what she said was true and/or okay.
I don’t think I have a love/hate relationship with attention. I think I actually really enjoy it, just within certain contexts. It takes a certain personality to be on a stage, or to be in front of a classroom, or even publish a blog. I love to share, and more importantly, be understood. If I don’t think I will be understood, it’s not worth it to me to share. What is often mistaken for shyness is actually my belief in economy of words – I don’t like to waste them.
Should I love attention? I believe it depends on the type of attention. If, for example, I am seeking your attention by clicking “post” and you decide to click “like,” should I care? I suppose I would like to know that I do not write in an echo chamber; that I am not alone in how I experience the world.
I suppose the underlying question is the intention behind the attention for both seeker and giver. I do not feel competitive when I am sharing, I don’t think. I feel privileged when people share with me – but only when it is genuine. No pretense or shallowness. It is just hard to communicate with people because some of you suck really terribly.
Ergo I return to my observer’s original statement, but I wish to modify a word to make it even more accurate:
“You hate people but you love people.”
Preferably one at a time.
I accidentally rode my bike yesterday.
What had happened was that I get this text from Coachie. Apparently there’s this chick that rides about my pace and needed a buddy. The “opportunity” to ride didn’t conflict with my going to church, so I figured what the hell. I’m not a jerk. I’ll show up.
Then I remembered that I can’t stand riding my bike. Worse yet, I can’t stand riding with people. This is not a joke, y’all. I’m not going to write again (at the moment) about the reasons why this is the case but I was reminded of them yesterday. Praise God that I am not a fan of conflict and work to practice the principle of being at peace with others when it’s under my control.
In the end, of course, I am glad that I went. I hadn’t spent time with Red Rocket since my last race two months ago – unwise because she still scares me a bit and the more time and distance that I allow between us, the worse our relationship becomes.
It’s really funny how sometimes, just a bit of time is all it takes to improve a relationship. The time spent doesn’t have to be perfect, but consistent. My girl 3M has observed that I have not published a blog post in over a month, though I have been training (fairly) regularly. It’s definitely not that I haven’t had anything to say, but the more time that I allowed to elapse between posts, the less I wanted to do it. Not unlike my relationship with Red Rocket, if I am not regularly spending time with her, it starts to get awkward and I can’t remember why I do it in the first place.
So – to sum things up for the last month, God is still awesome, Coachie rocks for getting me back on my bike, 3M is a big deal for staying on me about my writing, and I have a feeling that this new chick isn’t bad. High praise from me, indeed.