And it’s not from being in the saddle too bloody long.
I am sure I am not alone when I say that occasionally, there are people whose actions make me want to react like this:
I posted earlier that I am working on not resenting the fact that I need other people not only to thrive but to survive. There’s simply no escaping it. I think the principal reason that my preference is to not deal with people is because I am an extremely sensitive person. When hurt, my sadness often turns to anger. Fine.
But then my anger morphs into unforgiveness. Apparently, Christ takes issue with this:
Okay, God. So what you’re saying is that not only do I need to forgive these clowns, but I also need to LOVE them? Like this:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV)
Like that? But eye for an eye is so much more kickass! Look, Lord, I don’t even need that joker’s eye. Just lemme walk away. Can’t you and I be close without me having to worry about all these LOSERS tryna mess up my flow?
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14, 15 NKJV)
Cold as ice.
Real talk, nothing anyone has ever done to me has nailed me to a cross. #nonSaviorproblems, right? Yeah, I’ve been hurt, but at the moment I have to search my heart pretty hard for any bitterness I’ve been harboring toward anyone. Oh wait, there’s that one chick. The one who is ultimately responsible for every problem I’ve ever had.
See, no one could have ever hurt me had I not allowed him or her to do so. I should have known better. I should have seen it coming. I should have protected myself. But – I didn’t. So any pain I got, I had coming to me. I’m such a bitch.
What if I am my greatest enemy? Moreover, if I’m the one responsible for all my pain, how the hell do I turn the cheek to myself? Do I keep taking more of my mess? I’ve tried to run from myself before – that didn’t end well.
Perhaps this is the reason the command to love our neighbor proceeds the assumed notion that we love ourselves. Indeed, we are stuck with ourselves and must learn to forgive within for mistakes that have repercussions outside ourselves. Just as we may ask those we love to adjust their behavior for our sake, all we can do is the same. Otherwise, what hope is there for the clowns that walk among us?