Apparently, Adonis and I had similar takeaways from the dinner party, but mine was more analytical and his more personal.
Me: Wow. Prejudice is everywhere. Everyone is the same. Heh.
Him: I can’t believe my friends were not accepting of you!
Initially, this caught me off guard. I suppose it was because the party had a different purpose for me than it did for him; I wanted to be with him and get to know his people. Honestly, the reverse didn’t even occur to me because I do not open up if I do not trust in the exchange of ideas/emotions. I ask questions, I politely engage, I actively listen, but it ends there.
I reflected upon my bringing Adonis around my circle of friends. I can’t think of an instance where anyone close to me hasn’t made an effort to get to know him and be excited for us. I guess finding the love of your life and an upcoming wedding IS dinner party conversation if you haven’t seen a friend in a while, but it didn’t come up. He lamented that he believes it’s subtle prejudice and that he thought the people he knew were different. “Why?” I said. “The whole conversation last night was about how some people are better than others.”
Adonis’ reaction reminded me why I get more excited every day to be Mrs. Katsopolis. I hate that he was upset, but I love that he knew there was something over which to be upset. I love that we can be honest in a non-threatening way with each other despite our different backgrounds. While the idea that we live in a post-racial society is complete nonsense, when I am out and about I am likely to assume mistreatment/lack of interest is due to self-absorption or insecurity, a lot of which I saw last night. It’s just not a far leap to think that if you think you are the best thing to happen to civilization that I would be looked at as inferior. Solomon said it best:
“A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind.”
Proverbs 18:2 NASB
I think it really sucks for Adonis that by choosing to marry a black woman he will likely not be able to show me off in the way he wants to. He’s losing some of his privilege by choice! How amazing is that?! He sees things in people he wouldn’t have seen if he were not with me. I say this because it humbles me – he is proud of being with me and wants others to appreciate me, too. It’s not that the feeling isn’t mutual; I think life has just taught me to expect less from people. No matter what is on my inside, I’m simply not going to be seen as a catch by society. Not everyone in my family grasps what a catch I have, either. The only difference between he and I is that I was prepared for this. I’ve been prepared all of my life for this kind of foolishness, from all sides. I know that I’ve hit the freaking jackpot, but if you don’t see that it’s really not my problem. What can we do other than that get married and start making cinnamon babies to piss off more people?