Do you ever walk into a gym and think to yourself, “What am I doing here?” Not just that, but also, “What am I doing here?” I am plagued by these thoughts 245 days before the biggest race I will ever have attempted. Moreover, I’m surrounded by people who seem to just train and race like it’s no big deal. “This is what you do. Like breathing.” Well, everyone breathes. Not everyone signs up for a stupid Ironman.
Who am I, Lady J, to be signing up for a race like this? I’m just a human girl who likes to swim, bike, and run a bit. When I tell people that I’ve signed up for this, the reaction is often “omg you’re awesome, I could never do that!” I generally reply, “I’m so normal! If I can, anyone can.” But can I? I suppose anything is possible. I simply see everyone else around me also doing an Iron distance race and they seem so – superhuman. I saw how human I was for the 70.3 and quite frankly, I feel more human and thus fallible now. More is on my plate (tee hee Adonis) and I’m in the midst of learning how to manage. How do I know this wasn’t a bad decision?
Yes. Doing. This Ironman training involves a lot of doing. I feel that I don’t have room to be imperfect for so gigantic a race. I don’t feel like a complete p***y the way I did for St. Anthony’s, or even for Augusta, but I am putting in some long hours at work. I’ve learned quickly in these first 3 weeks of training that if anywhere has little room for error, it is my nutrition and sleep. If I don’t eat right or get the right amount, I can barely get through my workday, much less my training. I am proud that I’ve actually gotten on my bike this month, but I feel as though I’ve missed more days of training than I’ve made.
Maybe I am not a poser. #WhoKnows2015, right? The tricky bit is not beating myself up for not knowing better re: the sleep, nutrition, or even signing up for this mess. What’s done is done. The only thing I’m sure of is that I have room for improvement. I usually do get better at things once I calm the hell down.
Pray for me!