I didn’t quite realize how often I use this word until I heard others whom I admire use it frequently and cringe. Why anyone so awesome and capable of so much would use this word so liberally is beyond me. It’s particularly offensive when coming from someone who simply should know better. Of course, finger-pointing human that I am, it is much easier to find fault in someone else’s use of such a word than it is my own. When I say it, there’s no alternative. Right?
I “just” started training. I “just” started eating better. I “just” started this piece. I “just” run an 11 minute mile. I “just” can lift x amount of weight. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why I preface damn near everything with this qualifier. I do not want anyone to get the wrong idea. For some reason, I think it would be the end of the world if someone thought more highly of me than they should. God forbid I disappoint anyone.
Here’s why this is jacked up.
1. If someone is truly rooting for you, s(he) will love you not for whatever it is you are doing or about to do. They will see that you are working to do something good for yourself, cheer you on in a non-envious manner, and perhaps be inspired to do the same. If, conversely, you are harming yourself, a friend will admonish you in a Galatians 6: 1-2 kind of way –
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Entirely. Not. Judgey.
2. Hello, am I still in middle school? Have I not reached an age where I realize people don’t care about whatever I am doing as much as I may think they might? Are people gathering together discussing my progress in whatever it is that I am doing? Highly unlikely.
3. The Big One. If someone were REALLY disappointed in you when you did your best, you need to kick him/her to the curb. Posthaste. Everyone is allowed a bad day, and anyone in your life who doesn’t understand this doesn’t deserve a place there. Life throws enough curve balls at us without having anyone tearing us down, whether it is blatant or seemingly innocuous.
You know what is sick? It wasn’t until recently that I started feeling comfortable calling myself a pianist without some kind of justification. Dammit, I play the piano, practice, have earned degrees/accolades, and yet still could NOT simply say, “I am a pianist.” It is what it is. If I am going to dismiss people from my life who are undeservedly critical, why should I be so mean to myself?
Be who you are. Keep growing and learning. Forgive yourself. Stop bloody justifying your existence to others.
But who am I to suggest such a thing? I’m “just” another blogger. Heh. 😉
Feeling bold – take a listen to me doing my best. Chopin Scherzo No. 3 in C Sharp Minor. I had fun performing it; ‘hope you enjoy listening!