Apparently, when you approach losing 25% of your body weight, people take notice. These people often make comments. Sometimes encouraging, sometimes envious, sometimes hoping that I will say I did it by taking some magic pill. However, today I got one that I was not expecting. I was passing a colleague in the hallway at work. She had a plate of pie in her hand:
“If I didn’t like pie, I could look like you do.”
I chuckled at what was surely meant to be a compliment. On some level, in fact, I empathize with her sentiment. If each of us thought of 10 people we knew, it wouldn’t surprise me if 9 of them wanted to lose weight. Food is everywhere and dammit, it is tasty. Every time I read, “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels,” I want to cry out BS! Clearly this person has not eaten the food I have. I also know that feeling of being around really fit people and thinking they are just machines with unnatural desires to drink raw eggs and wheat grass. This is hardly my first experience of major weight loss, either, so I say what I’m about to say with great humility.
How dare this heffa say I don’t like pie.
Perhaps such logic might make sense if I was a complete stranger to you. If all you knew about me was that I love to race and train. But you, dearest colleague, you knew me when I was walking around with that extra weight. Does it make any sense that I said to myself, “You know what? Screw pie. And cake. And pizza. And chocolate. We’ve had our fun and now it’s over.” Then of course, pounds just melted away. Hell no! I still love to eat! Sometimes I go to bed early just because I’m excited about the breakfast I am planning for myself the next morning and want to meet it sooner. So that for bloody sure is not what is keeping you from the body you desire.
I strongly believe that people, at the end of the day, do what they want to do. Unless, of course, they are scared. I feel my life’s story is summed up by the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:19 – “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil that I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” It’s a really sucky loop. We rationalize to ourselves that our colleagues/friends/neighbors/loved ones must not like pie. That they have more time than we do. That they have natural athletic ability we don’t. That they have greater self-control – which may be the only honest option I’ve put here.
If someone had told me that I would be doing what I’m doing now 15 months ago – even 9 months ago, I would have laughed hysterically AND ORDERED A PIE AND EATEN IT ALL. Because I’m still terrified that I’m going to fail, whatever the hell that looks like. I would much rather fail because I over-pied than fail knowing I gave my best, yeah? Then that means I really suck. So I put the fork between me and my fear to separate us. But you know what’s even scarier than failing? Wondering what could have happened had I tried something different.
I thank the Good Lord this pie loving girl can continue to work toward maximizing fitness in the body with which He blessed me.